The Girl from Mulki

The Girl from Mulki

“We meet  to depart and we depart to meet again” said Rabindranath Tagore.

These are the words written by my “Thangi” (means younger sister in kannada) almost 45 years ago in 1965 September as we were departing on our first quarterly vacation from Regional College of Education.  I was feeling bad to leave her and the campus though it was only for a few days after our exams were over.

I was hardly 18 years of age and finished my graduation and joined the one year B. Ed. Course at REC Mysore. In Kannada Thangi means younger sister. She was not born in my family but she came to be my Thangi after the first few meetings with her. In a short period of time I got very attached to her. Perhaps I saw someone depending on me like a younger sister on her elder brother. I joined REC after my B. Sc. at Loyola college Vijayawada.  I wanted to do my M. Sc. In Chemistry. The Principal of Loyola College Fr. Gordon felt I was too young to do my M. Sc. and could wait for a few more years. In the mean time he got me an application form from RECM which was paying stipend of Rupee 75 per month for those intending to do their B. Ed. 

I came from a rather poor family. I was born to a rich father but he deserted my mother after I was born as he belonged to different caste and his village fellows did not want my mother to take any part of his wealth got him married to someone from his own community. My mother was keen that I get educated well. The Loyola college principal who took a lot of interest in me became almost my Godfather and took care.

I was perhaps the youngest in RECM among those who came to do their one year B. Ed. Most others from all four states of Andhra, Mysore, Madras and Kerala were much older than me. Some were already Master’s degree holders. That was the first year of RECM introducing a four year integrated B. Ed. Course. There were many other youngsters. I was admitted and in the first week itself we were to form into four different houses. Each house called as “sadan” was a mixture of students from different states and streams and included the one year B. Ed. Science, Commerce and the four B. Ed. Science, Home science, commerce and Agriculture students. There was a meeting of the members of sadan. My name figured out in Bapu Sadan. We all assembled in a big hall and there is to be the first cultural program meant to select the cultural secretary and other office bearers.. I did some mimicry on the stage mixing a few Telugu songs. Then came this girl Thangi who sang a song “He Mere vatan ke Logo....”. Young girl from Mulki a village near Mangalore. I did not even know much of details about her except that I liked her song very much. It was several years later I came to know it was sung by Lata Mangeshkar and Pandit Nehru even got tears in his eyes when he heard this song from Lataji. Thangi later gave us a beautiful Kannada version of the tune “Oh Kannada nada Bhuvara... etc.” I wish I have the entire song now to remember my Thangi well. I wish we had all the modern facilities so that I could record and hear that song over and over again. Thangi had a lovely voice and we longed to hear her sing on the stage.

Bapu sadan elections were held. I was proposed by someone to be Secretary and Thangi to be the Assistant or joint Secretary. There was unanimity and we became the two to organise many things. I recollect us organising hardly anything as most things used to be organised by the college: picnics, cultural events, speeches etc. I remember Thangi sing when the Governor r of Karnataka V V Giri visited us at that time. She sang that beautiful “Oh Kannada nada Bhuvara..”

It is not our association in Bapu Sadan that got me closer to Thangi. One of those early weeks at RECM we were sitting in the open canteen. The canteen in those days used to be in the middle of the College and the demonstration multipurpose school. If you sit here you can watch the students come from their hostel to the college. They have to walk a few hundred yards perhaps 300 or so yards cutting across the open fields in front of the hostels between the college and the hostels. Our hostel was closer to the college and the girls’ hostel far off. That day we saw three girls first year of the four year B. Ed. Ones running in the play grounds. They were running helter skelter. We noticed that something was wrong. Then we saw one of the senior boys (One year B Ed) boys following them. He was a little ugly looking and with crooked hands. His hands did not appear normal. He was always lifting them up. I and my colleagues rushed to the girls.

Thangi came running me and said “ Anna this man is following me. He comes where ever I go and I am frightened”. As she was telling this, the fellow walked by our side and went fast us pretending as though it did not concern him. It was difficult for us to conclude that he was following the girls or it was a mere imagination on their part. I assured Thangi that I and my other friends will keep a watch on him and she has nothing to fear. I asked her the normal time when she goes to the class and assured her that I will keep a watch on him as my room faces the open fields and around that time I can see them go to the college. Later we got the name of the student as Mr. Nirulla. He was supposed to be a somewhat abnormal person as our enquiries revealed but a good person. It looks he had an obsession with Thangi.

Wherever he saw Thangi he used to follow her perhaps involuntarily. The campus is so open that I also found it hard to say that he is following her. Once I questioned him politely and for every question he would smile and not reply. It became my job to keep an eye on Thangi and Nirulla for almost a few weeks.

That is how our relationship grew.  I don’t remember when we spoke first more and more after this. I told my story to her once and how I am the only child and longing to have a sister, as I spent my entire childhood all alone. She told me her story of how she had a good friend in the school by name Ashok Shenoy in her village Mulki and how much I resembled him. She also felt perhaps that is one reason why she felt quite close and comfortable talking to me.

I felt so happy that entire year to have a sister like  her. It looked as though we were born in the same family and got separated for so many years and got together after 18 years. She  was perhaps 14 or 15. I liked whenever she called me Anna and I used to call her all the time Thangi. As I had no one calling me as Anna till then it meant a great deal to me.

The relationship grew and we used to do many things not aware that the college community is noticing us.  We used to write letters to each other and exchange them through the library. I will keep my note book as I enter the library at the entrance where we are to leave our books. Thangi will come and leave a letter in my note book and after she enters the library I will go out and collect my note book but leave a letter in her note book at the entrance. Now I cannot quite recollect what we wrote to each other so much. I guess we wrote about each other’s studies, life, families etc. as there was no other opportunity to meet. When we are in Bapu Sadan excursions we were rarely  together as we had our tasks to do. However I used to always long for her to be there. I believed that she also did the same. Some of the other girls became jealous of our relationship. One of them who longed to be with me was one Meenakshi.

Thangi had her trio of friends: Shubha, Sudha and Thangi. Wherever they went they were together. They even dressed the same most of the time. The campus was very envious of their closeness. I am sure they were also envious of our closeness with the girls. Sometimes I heard later some of the Kannadiga students went and scolded Thangi for being so close to a Telugu fellow.

For me the relationship was that of Anna and Thangi. I never had anything except that. I felt so happy that God has given me a Thangi after all these years. I used to bring Cherries from the city wherever I went on Sundays. The cherry shop I still recollect near the bus stand next to the Palace in Mysore. Thangi used to come and wait for my return and collect the cherries from me at the bus stand. Her hostel warden Essica Barnabas also was fond of me. She used to appreciate our relationship but used to give me smile of warning. On some of the Saturdays and Sundays when we got time we used to meet and talk for a while and go.

Thangi introduced me to her brother Ramesh and father who came to see her brother Ramesh  off when he got a job in Lucknow. I also wrote a couple of letters to Ramesh  at Luknow explaining how much I loved Thangi as my sister and telling him about how I am the only some and longed for a sister. He even wrote a poem from Bhagavad-Gita suggesting that I should not get too attached to her and attachment leads to frustration and anger and losing of senses.  I never understood it for quite some time as I thought that wishing someone to be your sister is not "desiring" something. It is only later I realised the  psychology so well depicted by Lord Krishna. How much I longed her to be  close and when it is far how I was getting frustrated.

My association of one full year with Thangi has left lasting impression and mark in my life. Little did I know that for me it meant a real sister? Perhaps those who have real sisters forget them fast as they would have had enough of them as children but those who discover their sisters late may not be able to forget them. I do not know what the relationship meant for Thangi. I only know that it either did not mean the same or something which I am not aware has happened or something which I said had done irreparable damage. I came to know that after I left the college she had to continue for another three years there. In the second year some of the Kannada students went and told her things that may have made her develop some kind of negative feelings to me. Or maybe it is psychological reaction of losing an Anna or I do not know. Once I was out of the RECM and she went home, she stopped writing to me or replying my letters. At home in the village I had only one thing to do all day. Wait and wait for her letters from Mulki. The post man Purushotham must have got fed up with me as every day  between 9 and 10,  I walk to the post office and look for letters. Day after day I expect and I used to get nothing. Perhaps I got a couple of letters in the entire two months or so.

She donated a sari for my mother. I was so happy about it and my mother was also happy. She did not wear it yet and I got a message that her parents were asking for the sari and I should return it. I had to parcel it back.

I graduated with first class and also got the first rank in science stream. I decided to pursue my studies in psychology s advised by one of the professors at RECM who saw my interest in psychology. I joined Osmania. I had all her letters (thanks to the library at RECM that facilitated our letters) saved and used to read and re-read after I left RECM. I was eagerly looking for the convocation so that I could go to Mysore and meet Thangi. When I went for the convocation to Mysore, I wanted to find out why she was not replying my letters. I was longing to meet her but it was not possible. As she was busy in classes or did not want to meet me. Finally when I managed to meet her, she promised me that she will write letters and that I should destroy all the letters she wrote to me at RECM.  Our meeting as not happy ending. I believed her but felt that she was trying to get rid of me and did not have any more that sisterly love. Perhaps that is how the girls are. They need someone to protect them and when the need is over and the person is not there someone else is needed. But for me she is someone whom I loved and I can only say that I never had any other thoughts, though one of my professors at RECM told me that quite a few love stories begin with brotherly love and lead to marriage.     

On return to Osmania first thing I did was to burn all the letters to keep my promise. Perhaps this is the mistake I made as the only memories I had were destroyed. I wish I  saved these childhood memories.

Every time I attempted to meet her I got only scolding or rebuffs from her or her husband.

I am now sixty three years old. Have lived full life established myself. I have a loving family, two daughters, a son, a grandson, enough money for decent life; three institutions started by me, author of 50 books, respect in the society and called as Father of HRD and all a big name. With all of this even today I feel something is missing and that is my Thangi how loved me so much as Anna and whom I loved so much in that one year of our co-existence.

Even today after so many years I get peculiar dreams. I dream that I am trying to meet her in her hostel, I reach near her hostel and something happens. She just left the hostel. Or I dream that I got her address and I almost reached her and she left just then. Sometimes she comes in my dream, introduces her husband, and promises to be in touch and latter nothing happens. Forty five years later even today I get dreams of trying to reach her. I don’t understand why? Is my attachment so deep that after so many years it remains intact. How can any person keep distance from someone whom you call as Anna for one full year and not only forget but not even be responsive?

I was not invited for her marriage. I would have loved to go and meet Mr.  Shenoy about whom I heard from REC students.  Latter I heard that they went to USA.

My first trip to USA, I was working at Harvard. It was 1975. I tried for several sources to know where Thangi and Mr.  Shenoy were. In those days you had to ask for city based directory. I called city by city. Finally I got someone who gave me the correct address. It was my first trip to US. I did not know that I am calling someone in different time zone. The moment I called Mr. Shenoy, I got a bag full of scolding from Mr. Shenoy that I am disturbing every one and I had no business to call people like that. I did not even get a chance to talk to Thangy.

A couple of years later I went on another trip to USA and wanted to meet them. I even routed myself through Chicago. I called again and again I got the same scolding from Mr.  Shenoy.

About ten years ago I got an opportunity to travel to Udipi. I made it a point to visit Mulki her village and see the house where she lived. I got her Brother Ramesh Kamath’s address and met him in Mangalore. He wanted his brother to be transferred from north to Mangalore. I spoke to the Chairman of the Bank but could not succeed in helping him. Ramesh also has not forgive me for that. It was my bad luck that I could not get this done in spite of my closeness to the CMD of the Bank. They told me that they are trying to do but they did nothing.  Next time I called Ramesh he did not sound welcoming at all. He responded on phone “What do you want?”

It was so disappointing.

Even today once a while I get dreams of trying to reach Thangi. I am aware if I meet her once and get to know what made her become so averse to her Anna the dreams will stop.

The memories are very strong. I met her friends Sandhya and Shubha a few times latter. About ten years ago I met Sandhya with my wife and daughter. When I met Shobha recently she mentioned that the students said certain things to Thangi after I left the campus and that may have changed her attitude. Perhaps someone even tried to take advantage of our closeness. I do not know the truth. All that I know is I got a loving Thangi for sometime and lost her.

Some people believe that you get back what you have done in the previous Janam. Many Masters and Many Lives by Dr Brian Weiss makes me believe that we are perhaps related in the previous Janam and perhaps we are destined to meet in the next janam.  

This attempt is the last perhaps to see if we depart to meet again as she wrote in one September 1965!

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14-04-2012

This may be interest to readers how significant events from childhood leave lasting impressions in your mind and shape many things yo do. I consider my life to be rich filled with hard work, writing books sharing my knowledge with others, starting new institutions etc. I have many accomplishments to my credit as the other blogs may indicate. With all the richness in life I had including a caring and all the time supportive wife, loving children, great students and warm and appreciative colleagues wherever I worked - I still long to meet up with my Thangi with whom I lost touch 46 years ago. I sill get strange dream once in a while. One of the most common dreams I get is RECM. I am visiting RECM and trying to meet Thangi. Thangi is just there but does not want to see me. Some times I dream that  I met her and her husband. She wanted me to visit her and gave me her address. But I can't go there as the address she gave is not right etc. etc.  I know where she lives. It is not difficult for me to go and meet her in the USA or during one of her trips to meet her brother in Mangalore. But I won't. If I do the story might end there. That is the psychology of life.